Sick: A Memoir

Sick: A Memoir

Porochista Khakpour

3.34(3338 readers)
In the tradition of Brain on Fire and Darkness Visible, an honest, beautifully rendered memoir of chronic illness, misdiagnosis, addiction, and the myth of full recovery that details author Porochista Khakpour's struggles with late-stage Lyme disease.

For as long as writer Porochista Khakpour can remember, she has been sick. For most of that time, she didn't know why. All of her trips to the ER and her daily anguish, pain, and lethargy only ever resulted in one question: How could any one person be this sick? Several drug addictions, three major hospitalizations, and over $100,000 later, she finally had a diagnosis: late-stage Lyme disease.

Sick is Khakpour's arduous, emotional journey—as a woman, a writer, and a lifelong sufferer of undiagnosed health problems—through the chronic illness that perpetually left her a victim of anxiety, living a life stymied by an unknown condition.

Divided by settings, Khakpour guides the reader through her illness by way of the locations that changed her course—New York, LA, New Mexico, and Germany—as she meditates on both the physical and psychological impacts of uncertainty, and the eventual challenge of accepting the diagnosis she had searched for over the course of her adult life. With candor and grace, she examines her subsequent struggles with mental illness, her addiction to the benzodiazepines prescribed by her psychiatrists, and her ever-deteriorating physical health.

A story about survival, pain, and transformation, Sick is a candid, illuminating narrative of hope and uncertainty, boldly examining the deep impact of illness on one woman's life.



 

 

 

Publisher

Harper Perennial

Publication Date

6/5/2018

ISBN

9780062428721

Pages

273

Categories

Medicine

About the Author

Porochista Khakpour

Porochista Khakpour

Porochista Khakpour is the author of the memoir Sick (Harper Perennial, June 2018)—a “Most Anticipated Book of 2018,” according to HuffPost, Bustle, Bitch, Nylon, Volume1 Brooklyn, The Rumpus, and more. She also authored the novels The Last Illusion (Bloomsbury, 2014)—a 2014 "Best Book of the Year" according to NPR, Kirkus, Buzzfeed, Popmatters, Electric Literature, and more — and Sons and Other Flammable Objects (Grove, 2007)—the 2007 California Book Award winner in “First Fiction,” a Chicago Tribune’s “Fall’s Best,” and a New York Times “Editor’s Choice.” Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Wall Street Journal, Al Jazeera America, Bookforum, Slate, Salon, Spin, CNN, The Daily Beast, Elle, and many other publications around the world. She’s had fellowships from the National Endowment for the Arts, the University of Leipzig (Picador Guest Professorship), Yaddo, Ucross, and Northwestern University’s Academy for Alternative Journalism, among others. She has taught creative writing and literature at Columbia University, Johns Hopkins University, Bard College, Sarah Lawrence College, Wesleyan University, Bucknell University, and many other schools across the country. Currently, she is guest faculty at VCFA and Stonecoast's MFA programs as well as Contributing Editor at The Evergreen Review and The Offing. Born in Tehran and raised in the Los Angeles area, she lives in New York City’s Harlem.

Questions & Answers

The author's experience with Lyme disease profoundly influences her sense of self and identity. Her physical and mental struggles with the disease, characterized by chronic pain, insomnia, and cognitive fog, contribute to a deep sense of alienation from her body, leading her to question her identity and place in the world. As a woman, she grapples with societal expectations and the challenges of being perceived as a "sick" person, which affects her self-worth and relationships. As a writer, her illness becomes a central theme in her work, reflecting her struggle to create and maintain a sense of purpose amidst her health battles. Being a person of color in America adds another layer of complexity, as she navigates systemic biases and the unique challenges faced by marginalized groups in the healthcare system. Her narrative is a powerful exploration of the intersectionality of illness, identity, and the American experience.

Navigating the American medical system for chronic illnesses like Lyme disease is fraught with challenges and complexities. The author's struggles are exacerbated by the lack of concrete knowledge about Lyme disease, its varied symptoms, and the difficulty in diagnosis. Misdiagnosis is common, with tests like ELISA often unreliable, leading to delays in treatment. The medical community's skepticism towards Lyme disease, especially among non-specialists, results in patients like the author being dismissed or misunderstood. This skepticism, combined with the author's own experiences with mental health issues, creates a double barrier to proper diagnosis and treatment. The lack of understanding and support from healthcare providers, coupled with the emotional and financial toll of chronic illness, further complicates the author's journey towards wellness.

The author's experiences in various places—Iran, Los Angeles, New York, and Germany—significantly impact her health and well-being. In Los Angeles, she experiences chronic illness and depression, possibly exacerbated by environmental factors like pollution and poverty. Moving to New York, she faces stress and anxiety, which may contribute to her health issues. In Germany, she deals with mold exposure and relationship stress, further affecting her health. These experiences suggest a complex relationship between environment, chronic illness, and mental health. Environmental factors, such as pollution and mold, can exacerbate physical symptoms, while mental stress can contribute to both physical and mental health issues. The author's story highlights the interconnectedness of these factors, emphasizing the importance of addressing all aspects for holistic health.

The author's experiences with addiction, including drug use and reliance on prescription medications, are deeply intertwined with her illness and journey towards healing and self-discovery. Her early exposure to drugs, particularly cocaine, during her college years in New York, led to a cycle of addiction and dependency on substances. This addiction was exacerbated by her chronic illness, Lyme disease, which made her seek relief from her physical and emotional pain. Her reliance on prescription medications, such as Xanax and Neurontin, became a crutch, complicating her treatment and contributing to her illness. The author's journey towards healing involved confronting and overcoming her addiction, which was a critical step in managing her illness. Through therapy, alternative treatments, and support from friends and family, she was able to break free from her addiction and find a path to healing and self-discovery.

The author's narrative serves as a healing process by providing a platform for her to confront and express her experiences with chronic illness, particularly Lyme disease. It serves as a call to action by shedding light on the challenges faced by those with invisible illnesses, advocating for better understanding and support. The formation of community and support networks is crucial in her recovery process. They provide emotional and practical support, helping her navigate the complexities of her illness and treatment. These networks offer a sense of belonging, validation, and shared experiences, which are essential for her mental and emotional well-being. The author's journey emphasizes the importance of seeking support from others who understand the struggles of chronic illness, fostering a collective voice for change and improved healthcare.

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